What crazy questions to ask a person with bipolar syndrome! Best or worst? I never know until I look back. When I do I always learn that God has had MY back all along.
This is the best of times.
We are retired. My husband was a salaried engineer and project manager and now he has a barn big enough to play in and big toys (tractors and 4-wheelers) to manage our 36-acre walnut tree farm. I can sew every blessed day and write about our life on one of several blogs. I struggled with the inherent stress of three careers (paralegal, journalist, social worker) over a period of 40 years and now I am my own boss. Unfortunately, I’m pretty ruthless to my employee. However, our corporate day begins with prayer and Bible study. After that, me, myself and I get along fairly well. God is in control. We are grateful for our health, our relative wealth, our four children and seven grandchildren, our six-friend dinner group, fifty- member church and our larger community. There is love and concern and joy here. We are profoundly happy.
It is the worst of times.
I had to go on steroids for eye surgery four months ago and as of now I have not been able to come down from the mania caused by the medications. I am haggard, under-slept, mean-mouthed, emotionally cold, endlessly chatty, socially pushy and physically twitchy.
My husband and I are in our twentieth year of marriage and he hasn’t had to live with this girl for more than fourteen years. In 2003 I had my last breakdown and got myself into the extremely clean living and strict routines that keep me healthy.
That is, I’ve been healthy until I had to take steroids to be healthy, apparently.
BUT GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME. He is in the midst of this storm. I have been to the altar to confess, the pulpit to testify and I claim the mission field as well by virtue of publishing here. God will not let me fall, He will make this tough time a diamond in our crowns; when we lay them at Jesus’ feet, we’ll do that together, too. I will survive, my marriage and friendships will survive. Satan doesn’t get to win this round using a simple chemical imbalance.
However and whenever I go home to God, it will not be by my own hand. And that, brothers and sisters, is victory in the worst of times.
Dear God, In Psalm 51:10 David asks that You create in him a clean heart and to renew a right spirit within him. This, too, is my prayer and that You will forgive me the hurt I cause to others in the high places and the hurt I cause myself in the low. I ask not for straight paths but only that You will accompany me in all my paths. Because He walked in both, I ask it in Your son’s name, Jesus. Amen